May His Election Proceed

Abu bin Laden,
May heralds of his death never cease
Had not counted on an early decease.
Along came a Navy Seal
Who offered him a splendid deal.
“Old fart, Surrender!”
“You ain’t got what it takes to be a contender.”
Old fart said, “No. Beat it. Just blow.”
So, using language with some flair
(With a nod to William of Shakespeare)
The Navy Seal said:
“Hey, muhfuh! Now, you’re dead.”

The great Bard of Staten Island* could not have said it better himself. Joey Biden, Abu Ben Barrack, Mike Mullen and Leon Panetta love that Seal. Of course, assassination is a violation of Executive Order 12,333 but who’s reading? A day or so before the attack, Mike visited the Seals and asked “Are you ready to pull this off?” As a student of Seriously Advanced Logic, I believe that Mike knew they were readying to pull something off. The guys assured him it was “A GO.” So they went.

Did Mike know something Leon, Joey and Abu Ben Barrack didn’t know? Maybe, but doubtful. Would Mike have taken it on himself to say, “Kill the Muhfuh” without having discussed the matter with Leon and Abu? Maybe, but doubtful. Suppose we now discover that the buck stopped with Mike, who didn’t bother to consult with Leon or Abu. So what? Weren’t they pleasured? Or suppose, instead, we learn that before the Seals went on their mission, they met with a lawyer from the White House who told them two things: ” (1) Your mission is not to assassinate Bin Laden and (2) if he surrenders, you are not to engage.” However, we do know – and this is NOT hypothetical – thanks to the fact that our TV sets were tuned last week to events in Charlotte, N.C., that Abu was thrilled out of his mind about the assassination to such an extent he did not feel it necessary to say why Executive Order 12,333 did not apply. In any case, if challenged about the assassination, Abu could have referred the Doubters to his Nobel Peace Prize speech in which he said he did not have the luxury to endorse the noble sentiments of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and the like.

Fair enough, if lunatics are your cup of tea. As we know, the tea in Kenya is not up to the standards of the stuff from Ceylon. So you can’t blame the Kenya wunderkindt for not swallowing it without a pinch of Equal.

There is a curious desire on the part of some people [to be precise, two people] to want to know what I, Sidney Gendin, B.A., M.A, Ph.D. and former ballboy for the Brownsville Sluggers in 1947, would think if it really turned out that Abu gave explicit instructions not to kill bin Laden if he offered to surrender. What lies behind this probing of Gendin’s mind? Just casual, idle curiosity or the first step in springing a trap? “Ah, ha! Well, as it happens, the hypothetical is not hypothetical at all!” [That's the trap.] So don’t blame the Whiz Kid. You can bet your bottom dollar that the Good Guys, i.e. the Seals, had very little choice. Again, don’t blame the Whiz Kid. Maybe so. Does that undo the pleasure the Whiz Kid and the Delaware Wonder took in proclaiming as the key plank in their Accomplishments Platform that they kept their promise and “took him out”?

Such a difficult question, isn’t it? Oy, vey! So difficult. So hard to figure out the answer.

* As I have said before (more than once), William Shakespeare played football for Notre Dame in the late 1930s and one particular run of his has been proclaimed by sports nuts as the greatest in the history of the sport. He has been dubbed The Bard of Staten Island, since that is where he came from.
Abu ben Adam [With some license]

Abu Ben Adhem (may his tribe decrease!)
Awoke one night from a deep dream of caprice,
And saw, within the moonlight in his room,
Signs of everlasting gloom.
The Evil One scribbled in a book of gold:—
Exceeding madness had made Ben Adhem bold,
And to the Presence in the room he said
“What writest thou?”—The vision raised its head,
And with a look made of devilish joy
Answered “The names of those who love to destroy.”
“And is mine one?” asked Abu. “Nay, not so,”
Replied the devil. Abu spoke more low,
But cheerly still, and said “I pray thee, then,
Write me as one that hates his fellow men.”

The devil wrote, and vanished. The next night
It came again with a great wakening light,
And showed the names whom hate had blessed,
And lo! Ben Adhem’s name led all the rest.

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